Tonight I had a really great time with a friend that I met through a guy that I’d been dating until school let out and he moved back home, thereby putting a hiatus on our time together for now. This friend and I spent some time talking about how wonderful this guy is as a person, how loyal he was as a friend…and then, just as casually as we had praised him, my friend threw out his flippant regard for relationships and loyalty to women. I felt crushed, imagining how disloyal this guy was likely being, according to our friend, while I sat there wanting to be with no one else but him. I felt suddenly naive and stupid.
In the past, I might have gone into a panic attack or a new state of depression. I might have frantically reached out and tried to heal something that might not even be broken. But now, after several relationships that were never worth my time, I realize all of those things don’t matter. I don’t need to cater to this guy – and what I heard may not even be the truth about him. Regardless, I’m remembering what matters, focusing on my studies, and working towards my own, independent career path. It doesn’t matter what he does or what he wants; if I really mean anything to him, he will find his way to me and to make things work.
I’m not happy about what I heard and it will certainly affect the enthusiasm with which I interact with this guy, but I won’t let it tear me down or alter my priorities. It’s hard sometimes, remembering what really matters.
Sorry if this seems like a random rant, but I felt rather heartbroken this evening and hoped that, by writing this, I could remind myself and others that there is more to life than the satisfaction given to you by the attention of someone else.