Ever really wanted to impress someone and then felt like you completely failed at it? I don’t mean going over the top, dressing outside of your style, or acting like someone you’re not. I mean being completely yourself and feeling like it’s the dullest thing you could be.
That happened to me this week.
I was so psyched to strike up some excellent, philosophical debate with someone who really seems to get me – or at least seemed to. Ever since he’s gotten to know my friend, I feel like my grip on the situation is completely slipping. But I can only be happy about it, if they’re happy about it. I mean, what’s the use of going against what’s supposed to be.
Yet it was that empty feeling I couldn’t get over. That moment like I was standing in a loud room but everyone could hear my stupidity. I could hear deafening mockery through the silent gaps between each unanswered word I spoke. I was going on about what was really on my mind this past week – namely because he asked about it – talking about how creation and evolution can or cannot coexist – and I kept pausing — no answer — continuing again – pause —- pause —- starting again.
He wasn’t even looking at me. He was searching around the room. I left my thought dangle in the air, midsentence, and trailed off.
He left it hanging.
The conversation ended without a period at the end of my last sentence.