control.

Here I still am, out of town to work for an indefinite amount of time. I’ve had to cancel dance class already and I’m dreading how many other commitments I can’t keep this week. In fact, I began dreading it so much that I was torn in my mind between staying here, away from my problems, or being sent back in time for at least some number of things I have. I began stressing out over what I perceived as the perfect scenario, but that perception kept changing as I had all day to think or new things come up.

Then I said STOP what are you doing?

Why do I always have to try to control control control an outcome that I have little to no say in? Why have I always stressed myself out over the inevitable unknown? I can’t control a single piece of it!

I’m so good at making myself unnecessarily stressed out and worried. But for once I’m just going to let it go.

I can’t control when this ER will be done.
I can’t control what shifts I get.
I can’t control how many hours of driving I have from home.
I can’t control the weather.
I can’t control how life will go on without me at my commitments.
I can’t control much of anything, really.

But you know what – I’m thankful I can’t control all of those things. I’ve stressed out enough trying to control them to realize having that many responsibilities would indeed be a stress nightmare.

So I will not try to control the uncontrollable. I will just let it happen. And mourn, in the meantime, that my friend has told me my favorite dinosaur (brontosaurus) is actually not a real dinosaur at all. Ugh, my childhood aspirations are dashed…

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