You know, good friends are hard to find.
I’ve been trying to tackle the bad habit of comparison for quite some time, and one of the things I always seem to trip over is friends.
I don’t have a huge group of super close friends that I hang out with every other night. This became more and more evident this year when I spent some sizeable time with a new friend. He hangs out with so many people that he has known for such a long time. It made my life seem bleak in comparison. Because not only did he have that group, but each friend seemed to have his or her own group too, and so it was one huge friend family.
It was so much like a family that, as I spent more time with him, I began to realize it was too much like family. They had familiarity on their side, but even my friend told me I’ve been his closest friend since I moved here at the end of summer. And we just met.
How is it he could say that? Well, maybe because it’s his situation that has become the bleak one, should any comparison be made. Maybe mine is small, but mine is rich. Rich in character. Diverse. United by qualities, not by quantity of time together (which still has its perks).
I think it’s easy to keep an old group of friends, but how can you expect to grow and still be as close by the time you’re in your 30s? My opinion is that you rarely can, unless you stunt your growth or your friend’s growth. I feel like growing apart is natural as you grow up and become you.
And meeting new friends can be hard. We have developed and we know more what we want, what we need. It’s less about sandboxes and more about support. If his friends haven’t been providing him over the last several months in the way I have already, his friends aren’t very good friends. It stings to realize that. But really, what are friends for?
You can’t choose your family, but you can choose your friends.
This became all so clear to me yesterday on my birthday. My real friends were the friends that took genuine care to remember my birthday without a Facebook reminder (which I removed), the ones who took a minute of their day to share with me how much I mean to them. Even if some forgot, my real friends were also the ones inviting me or accepting invitations willingly to meet up with me, no matter how much of an inconvenience it may be at times. My real friends are the ones giving me rides when my car breaks down and I have to be at work by 8am on the other side of the city.
And so I realized, wow, my friends are great. The company you keep, right?
I may not have a family of friends, but I have more than I realized. And my “family” is a Cheaper By the Dozen ordeal made up of a wide range of adopted children. I pluck a good one like an apple from every tree I can reach. They’re all good apples and they all have their best qualities. And even if they’re from far apart, I can throw them in the same basket and it’s comparing apples to apples.
I will be testing that theory tonight at my party.
Finally, I am grateful that I am so meaningful to my friend because I am so grateful of him and all that he does for me. Out of all the ones I’ve got, he is probably the cream of the crop. Sure, he drives me crazy sometimes, but I have so much more patience because I see a little bit of me in the things he does. He always takes the time for me and he always has me in his thoughts.
My friends are witty, smart, driven, caring, compassionate, active, and they’ll go the extra yard. Thank you, friends; I love you.