Radiant Orchid: Pantone Color of 2014

Today’s news is all over the board.  Nelson Mandela has died, Obama has been called out on a lie that rekindles my beliefs that he’s not really American, and Rachida Jones surprisingly has to defend herself against comments she made previously which disapprove of women trying to sell an image that they shouldn’t be selling.  Yet I am brought back again to a silly obsession that is plastered all over Pinterest, image searches, and the dolt-filled fashion world this morning: the announcement of the Pantone color of 2014.
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Last year, I wrote a satirical article about the Pantone color of 2013: Emerald.  This year, it’s a less startling and even more feminine “Radiant Orchid”.  I’m not sure what everyone’s obsessions with orchids, but I guess it stems from their long-lastingness and their original symbolism of rarity, beauty, and strength.  However, orchids come in so many different colors, and I certainly do not find a pink-purple to be the representative sample of a “radiant orchid” – but that’s beside the point.
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So amidst the countless women striving to succeed in the business world of men, we will now have cartloads of bimbos raving over this ultra-feminine shade of Barney, buying make-up sets that are way to over-priced and made with questionable materials and restocking their already grotesquely over-loaded closets and clothes racks with styles that hopefully aren’t as horrific as the ones on fashion show catwalks.  (Do they SERIOUSLY think those outfits look good??)  And, as always for your pleasure, enjoy some photos of what you KNOW you’ve got love for a whole other year now:
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Emerald: Color of the Year

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(Pinterest) Emerald, Peacock, whatever…

I know you have all been holding your breath… but it’s old news now.  Of course you’ve heard.  Pantone has declared Emerald 17-5641 as the Color of the Year for 2013.  (Don’t mess up the numbers!  You wouldn’t want to have the wrong shade of Emerald Green!  The Wizard of Oz might come after you if you offend him…)

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(Pinterest)

REALITY, people.

So I didn’t even know there was such a thing as a “Color of the Year” until I walked into Beachwood Mall yesterday and saw it plastered all over the makeup advertisements.  I guess I don’t use makeup as a crutch, so I wouldn’t know.  Pardon my cynicism, but this whole thing truly irks me.  I don’t post on this blog often, but I’m sure you might guess by now (if you follow) that I’m not exactly partial to the fashion industry.  In other words, I think it’s a crock of baloney.  I’m a naturalist… since when does the planet become controlled by the fashion industry?  By a silly human past-time in a world of creatures with more glamor in their natural decor than we could ever replicate without wearing their very furs themselves?

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(Pinterest)

Who the hell is Pantone anyway?  Oh, a printing company.  That makes sense.  I remember reading on some prehistoric stone plaques defining the creation of this planet that Pantone was declared the ambassador of artificial color trends for each human-observed cycle of that big Sun star around our little rock.  Naturally, I panicked and stocked my closet full of the color.  I couldn’t imagine looking out of style!!!

No, but really… the shit was on sale, and green is one of my favorite colors.  H&M and CVS stocked me as far as I plan to stock:

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Don’t forget your ruby slippers!  Pretty sure that’s a requirement this year as well.